Tag: funny
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The Somewhere Safe Game
Does anyone else play the Somewhere Safe Game? You know the one. The game where you put something valuable somewhere safe — so safe that you yourself can never find it again. It is the adult version of hide and seek, except nobody is actually seeking, and the thing you hid stays hidden, in some…
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I Have Four Months Before This Becomes a Problem
I may or may not have a problem. I am not entirely sure. I am, however, pretty sure that if I described my current behavior to a therapist, that therapist would tilt their head slightly, pause for a professional beat, and then say something like your behavior is becoming a bit concerning. Which would be…
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I Have Decided I Need a Clone
I have been giving this a lot of thought, and I have concluded that the only reasonable path forward is a clone. Possibly three. Here is where I’ve landed on the math. There are things I want to do, things I have to do, and things I need to do, and these are — I…
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Officer, Take My Card
The other day I was speeding. Like, really speeding. Not “the flow of traffic” speeding. Not “I didn’t realize the limit dropped” speeding. The kind of speeding where, if I got pulled over, I would not be able to look the officer in the eye and pretend I was surprised. I would have to look…