Totally off previous topics, and honestly more than weird. BUT this is how my brain works. I tend to look at things from a lens that can take away feeling and ethical considerations around a topic so I can sit and ponder the logical what if’s and weird things.
I got to thinking about cannibals today…as I was eating a sammich…mhm. Not too long ago I had a patient tell me that there was a cannibal that lived here in Great Falls at one time. How freaking interesting, right? Well, apparently they don’t live here any more, so we can’t meet them, you can stop packing your bags.
Every time I think about cannibals/cannibalism, I can’t help but to think about how these individuals almost HAVE to be murders, HAVE to commit a crime, etc. Which seems interesting to me. Honestly, we can hunt anything but humans legally, and I am totally for that, but there is no way for someone to be a cannibal legally. I mean, what if they don’t want to kill anyone…but they just want a little taste? A little nibble?
I mean there is no store you can go to and buy or get “ethically sourced” human meat. I’m also not sure anyone would be willing to cut off parts of themselves for consumption either (maybe the dark web?) and how much would you even charge/pay for that? I guess there could be a market for that? If you were to do that, what if you didn’t taste good? Do they get their money back? Is there a satisfaction guaranteed or your money back deal (I wouldn’t advise it for the person selling their flesh)? How do you even draw up those contracts? I am sure they wouldn’t be legal or defensible in court any how…right? I really have a lot of questions about this.
So the almost have to be murders, takes into consideration being able to find people who are willing to sell body parts. If the individual couldn’t find someone willing to sell parts, or they won’t sell the parts this person has a hankerin’ for then they would have to go murder someone. There are no other options (except not eating humans, which isn’t part of this thought exercise).
Oh my! IF there was a store to sell human meat/parts/organs/I don’t know what to call them, what would you even name it? The opportunities here people! Possible cannibal grocery store names include:
- Pleased To Meet/Meat You
- Body & Soul – hey specialize in the former; the latter is sold separately
- Hand-Picked Provisions – Perfect for the produce section… or the finger food aisle
- The Personal Touch – Because every cut is 100% personal
- Finger Lickin’ – “”Literally. Bring your own napkins.”
- Arm & A Leg – “Our prices are high, but the quality is higher.”
- The Liver-y Stable – “Fresh off the… well, you know.”
- Rib-Ticklers – “A side of humor with every rack.”
- Whole Folks – You know, like the organic ones.
- Average Joe’s – They only source the most mundane, average humans for a consistent flavor profile.
- The Human Element – “We put the us back in ‘Delicious.’”
- Sapiens Select – For the gourmet cannibal who won’t settle for anything less than Homo sapiens
- The Prime Citizen – Only the highest-ranking cuts for the discerning eater.
- The Cold Shoulder – The frozen food section.
- Inner Beauty – The organ meat display.
- Head & Shoulders – The “Buy One, Get One” shampoo and cranium combo.
- A Bit of Body – The wine pairing section.
I’m sure we could come up with more, but I’ll stop there. Actually, I should literally stop here…. just some “food” for thought today.
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